ECCENTRIC TANTRUMS
Copyright 2009 by William A. Mays, Proprietor
      Henry A. McKinnell, Jr.–street name "Hank"–is one of the most notorious drug kingpins of the modern era. He was the head of the Pfizer drug cartel for seven years from 1999 to 2006, during which time he bribed and strong-armed street-level pushers into hooking the public exclusively on his own organization's product. Then, not satisfied with the job his street pushers–known as "doctors"–were doing, McKinnell promoted his drugs directly to the public, falsely claiming they could cure ills and make people feel "better." Even after he aggressively pushed one of his concoctions–known as "Bextra" on the street–to the point where people's lives were at risk, Henry McKinnell still wasn't done. He figured out a way to get Medicare, Medicaid, and some private insurance companies to pay for people to get his potentially lethal mixtures. Like Harry Lime, who would keep the money no matter how many "dots" stopped moving, McKinnell used bribes, false claims, and deadly concoctions as his business model. And by 2005 the Pfizer cartel was bringing in $51.3 billion annually from its drug trafficking operations.
      With the federal government closing in on McKinnell and the Pfizer cartel's criminal activities, the kingpin handed over control to his chief bag man Jeffrey B. Kindler. McKinnell then fled to Canada where sympathetic drug organizations are said to be offering him protection. Over the last few years, however, he was also spotted at the Moody's Corporation in New York City during the time the ratings agency was turning a blind eye to sub-prime mortgages in order to enrich themselves, as well as at the offices of ExxonMobil during the great gasoline price-gouging spikes beginning in 2005. Coincidences? We think not.
      Recently, the federal government managed to extract a $2.3 billion fine from the Pfizer cartel for its illegal drug pushing, a fine so small compared to the organization's total profits it went by virtually unnoticed. We've heard that Jeffrey Kindler pulled the money from the outfit's petty-cash drawer last December and sent it to the U.S. Justice Department with a Christmas card showing Santa with a bag full of Pfizer products.
      We here are of the opinion that a medical doctor who's gone through the training necessary to practice his craft need not be bribed and pressured into prescribing more of any particular drug. At the same time, if the general public wants, on their own, to have any drug they should be able to get what they want. If someone is a loser, who are we to tell them they can't act like one? This is supposedly a free country. But there's something particularly gauche about someone pushing something in our faces saying it's for our own good when we know full well they're only doing it to make money. So we recommend Henry McKinnell, Jeffrey Kindler, and their ilk take about 200 Tylenol and call it a day.
Portrait of a Drug Kingpin
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