The Police Gazette Top 5 Most Underrated Beatles Songs

Will Not Find Our No. 1 on Any Other List. 

Various publications have floated lists of the most underrated Beatles songs. But strangely, they all miss the most obvious choice. Part of the problem may lie in their definition of “underrated.” To us the term refers to the breadth of the gap between public opinion and the song’s actual quality. So a song need not be great. It just needs to be a lot better than people … Continue reading

Let the Boss Battle Begin!

The Trump Presidency Enters Its Endgame.  Donald Trump’s real goal as president becomes more clear with each passing day. All he wants is for the rest of us to “Do your jobs!” Political organizations, mainstream media outlets, and a majority of the general public have been failing this nation increasingly for decades. Trump just sees himself as the defibrillator shock to the body politic that will get it to wake up and do what it’s supposed to. … Continue reading

Okay, NOW the Mission’s Accomplished

On August 8, 2015, we published our endorsement of Donald Trump for president. Later we called Trump a genius. Then, two weeks before the election, we said “because of him, we will see progress on issues in the coming years that we have not seen progress on in decades.” Yet these later articles were written under the assumption that Trump would lose the election.

Even though we called him a genius—something … Continue reading

An Open Letter to Rolling Stone’s Matt Taibbi

A Donald Trump Postmortem.


My name’s Steven Westlake. I’m the current publisher of the National Police Gazette, one of the most legendary and influential magazines in history. We’re becoming, once again, the official journal of bare-knuckle boxing; I’m working closely with Bobby Gunn and his colleagues, and I’ve met your colleague Stayton Bonner. But that’s not why I’m writing.

Like you, I’ve been following the Trump campaign very closely and have enjoyed your coverage. … Continue reading

Donald Trump: Mission Accomplished

He is Donald J. Trump, Super Genius. Except, unlike his fellow cartoon character Wile E. Coyote, Trump’s hyper-complex schemes are working. He set in motion a Rube Goldberg machine that at the end had an anvil hanging by a thread over the head of the Republican Party. The final arrow that shoots through that thread will be his concession speech after the November 8th election. But he’s already accomplished far more than anyone could have dreamed in … Continue reading

Leave Him Alone, You Sick Freaks! Why We Would NOT Kill Baby Hitler

“Killing baby Hitler” unintentionally illustrates how someone like Hitler can rise to power in a democracy.

In this year full of ironies in politics, the reaction of most people when asked whether they would kill Adolf Hitler as an infant provides perhaps the most disturbing irony of all. So far a vast majority have unhesitatingly and cheerfully said yes, they would not think twice about killing baby Hitler. Candidate Jeb Bush has recently added his name to … Continue reading

A Police Gazette Endorsement: Donald Trump for President

The voice of the 1980s pro-wrestling manager Donald Trump hears in his head could not be happier. The performance-art-offered-as-reality these folks perfected has finally come home to roost in the best possible way. What better place for it to explode than within today’s American politics in general and Republican politics in particular? Trump’s campaign thus far has been an irony bomb of mass destruction. And, like the first hours of the 9/11 attacks, no one knows yet … Continue reading

Paul Juser: Hammer-Smashed Life

Gore, violence, and horror have always been hallmarks of Heavy Metal, but Death Metal redefined every topic. While the rest of the nation was teeny boppin’ in neon, southern Florida was ablaze with long-haired dudes in spikey black leather. The hyper-division of Metal genres did not begin in earnest until the late 90’s, so Death Metal’s assertion as a separate discipline was significant. Death Metal was fast and complicated, and talented musicians were necessary. Themes were universally … Continue reading

Paul Juser: Knowledge Without Mileage Is Bullshit

Graduation Season starts this month! My line of work takes me through a lot of graduations. I’m there to document this most important moment in a student’s life. I watch the promenades, I listen to the band, and I hear the speeches. I’m sorry if I’m breaking this for you, every last one is the same.

Principals and educators tearfully encouraging the pompous brats they never have to see again, teachers recount a few amusing anecdotes and … Continue reading

Shouldn’t Have Taken That Left at Albuquerque

Jon Jones Leaves Scene of Accident, Runs into Big Pile of Legal Doodoo

Local hero, soon to be convicted felon, Jon “Bones” Jones cracked more than just a telephone pole this time. In recognition of his continued automotive mishaps, we’ve posted the print edition from June 2012 that discusses Jones’s run-in with a Binghamton utility pole.


Paul Juser: Cee Cee, Pick Up That Guitar and a Talk To Me, Ya!

If you haven’t already figured it out, I’m a child of the ‘80’s. I was roughly 13 when they ended, so it was only the very final years that I had any concept of the world outside of He-Man. Music for me was almost exclusively Weird Al, and not until I reached middle school did I listen to much else. I can still remember the first time I saw a Guns N Roses video on MTV, and … Continue reading

Paul Juser: The Sin and Sacrifice of Christian Death

Being the Misfits fans we were, you would not expect Dr. Filth to get drunk and forget about the Samhain reunion show in Philly I already bought tickets for. He did, and no amount of phone calls could rouse him from slumber. He had the better car at the moment, and when I attempted to make the journey solo, all sort of rattle and light flashed across my dash. As an apology, he offered to drive to … Continue reading

Paul Juser: I Drank the Wine, and I Threw Away the Rose

The Murder City Devils are the best band you’ve never heard of. Their sound can best be described as the tender melody of “Appetite”-era Guns ‘n’ Roses brutally raped by the Danzig-era Misfits while Social Distortion watches and jerks off. All the pure rock fury of the first two with the swagger of Social D before Mike Ness got fat. I saw the Murder City Devils only one time, in their hometown of Seattle. The opening act … Continue reading

Paul Juser: Asking For It

Everyone has a band they are embarrassed to love. Last month, I told you about my long-standing love for Def Leppard. Def Leppard is not that band. I’ve got no problem driving down the City streets with Pyromania at full blast, singing along in my best Joe Elliot. The band I don’t want you to find out about is AFI.

I’m not talking about occasionally throwing on “Answer That And Stay Fashionable,” I’m talking entire days with … Continue reading

Can This Stop Today?

This article replaces the one, titled “Worse Than Ferguson,” that had been in this spot since December 3rd. With the murders of NYPD officers Rafael Ramos and Wenjian Liu yesterday, December 20th, we have much more that we could say on the subject. But at this point, a general observation will suffice. A dangerously significant breakdown of the institutions of law enforcement and the legal justice system is occurring in America. And when the public senses that … Continue reading

Paul Juser: Do You Wanna Get Rocked?

I used to book concerts for Def Leppard in my living room. They took place after school, and had very few in attendance. Almost exclusively dogs and the occasional cat. The band never showed, but I made sure everyone got their money’s worth. I put a tape in the boom box, and did the album myself, Milli Vanilli style. I performed both vocal and guitar parts interchangeably. I didn’t know what a bass guitar was, and drums … Continue reading

Paul Juser: Born of Fire

I can say without hesitation the only musicians I’ve loved longer than Slayer are Def Leppard and Weird Al. Both of those began in elementary school and I make no excuses for either. I was 14 when I put Scotch tape on the notches of a Poison cassette to redub it with Seasons in the Abyss. I listened to the tape until it was eaten by my radio and I was forced to buy the CD. No … Continue reading

Paul Juser: Footprints of the Behemoth

Mastodon Slept Here

“I put the butcher knife up to her neck, and I said, ‘if you want to live to see tomorrow, you better start frying them eggs a little bit better’n you been frying ‘em. I’m sick of eating sloppy, slimy eggs!” Then the music kicked in, and everyone at the American Legion went ape shit. This was my last clear memory of my first Mastodon show. Everything else was fists, feet, guitar, and drums. … Continue reading