The hour was late when comedian Kevin Salisbury agreed to do this interview. His only condition was that I bring him to Kennedy Fried Chicken prior to spilling his guts in front of my wife Sara’s iPhone.

Kevin keeps his apartment around 100 degrees and remarkably clean.

DR: Thanks for inviting us to your place and doing this interview on such short notice.
KS: It’s ok. This is just where I jerk off during work hours.

What are some of your events coming up?
KS: I’m taking a much needed break throughout the winter. I’ve spent from June to November constantly being under pressure to meet deadlines. Producing big comedy shows like Doug Stanhope, Jessimae Peluso and the Comedy and Arts Festival, which was the first ever in Binghamton. I was supposed to film my first DVD in December, but it got pushed back till March.

Did anyone influence you to start promoting comedy shows?
KS: No, I wouldn’t have done it if it weren’t for the comics who kept showing up to do stand up at every show like Brock Shields and Maryanne Donnelly. I like the fact that friends of mine who started here are doing shows now along the east coast and getting their careers going. That means more to me than making it as a comic because truthfully I don’t care if I make it or not. No one here is performing because they want to make it in the big time. They are doing it because they love to perform. Binghamton is pulsating with talent. There’s so many people here who really mean it. Yeah they eat shit when they have to, but they grow as performers and the f*cking point is this – they TRY. This area has something often overlooked, and that’s called passion. I’ve been a life-long resident of Binghamton, and I will never leave. I have no reason to move anywhere else… My family is here, my best friends are here.

Griff, any questions on that topic?
Griff Honsinger (bassist/The Jims): Who would you rather f*ck, Bea Arthur or Dan Rather?
KS: Dan Rather. Bea Arthur would be all unappreciative, clammy and cold. Dan Rather would go out and do research to find out what you like… He’d show up at your house with a box of your favorite cereal and a DVD or CD that you like. Bea Arthur would expect you to do everything. What is this interview about again?

Well I guess I’d like to relate what you do to music somehow?
KS: No, it’s completely f*cking different in every way.

What was your first show like?
KS: The first time I did stand up was at the ass end of a metal show at Voodoo Lounge. I don’t remember doing the set because I got drunk as shit (I drank for free and drank to calm my nerves). I did terrible and didn’t give a shit.

Do you remember recording your upcoming CD at Basement Audio?
KS: Usually when I do anything creative I’m absolutely shit-faced drunk. I do this on purpose; I’m a big ball of stress. There’s something about being a musician that makes me want to hide in my closet and play guitar. But as a comedian I’ll talk about my cock in front of strangers for days. You can’t be a sociopath in music, but comedy is more honest. I play music because it’s fun; I do standup because I have to.
GH: We only want to know who you’d have sex with.
KS: Kate Upton. I would let her fart into a paper bag for two weeks, pay for the most delicate shipping there is, have it sent straight to my door and poke pin holes in it just to maintain.
GH: Oldest?
KS: Everyone called her Sweet Aunt _____. She was a beautiful 47 year old woman with a wonderful body and a big ol’ pizza butt.

What’s a pizza butt?
KS: It’s a butt that starts at the top of the belt line. It’s not greasy, it’s not dimply it’s just a big round juicy plum.

Dave Rice owns and operates Basement Audio Recording Studio in Binghamton, NY. Please send feedback, questions, suggestions for an article or your own tips to BasementAudio@gmail.com.

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