Copyright 2007 by William A. Mays, Proprietor
The Police Gazette Guide to Dating Teenage Girls
1. Check the local statutory rape laws in your area and plan accordingly
    Laws vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. In some areas–even if you follow the rest of this guide to the letter–you may still be in trouble. Taking a trip with your girlfriend across state lines also triggers Federal involvement. Be aware or be sorry.
2. The girl's parents' blessing MUST be obtained before you begin any close relationship
    The usual protocol in any serious dating relationship is to get to know the parents and have them approve. This is even more the case when the girl is still the legal responsibility of the parents. If your relationship with their daughter is not done under the approval and supervision of her parents, you are no better than a thief and a liar.
3. The approval of your social circles must also be there
    If you feel like you need to keep the relationship secret from anybody, don't do it. You must feel free to engage in your normal social routine–ball games, family reunions, church, etc.–with your new friend. If someone doesn't approve, look at it and see if they might have a point. If not, show them by your words and actions that you are in a healthy relationship.
4. She is to be treated as an equal
    Even though you may be older and she may still be in high school, this is no excuse for setting up a teacher/student, father/daughter, master/servant, or any similar type of relationship. If you don't like the fact that she's at a certain stage in her development, then find someone your own age!
5. Do not broach sexual subjects that she is not ready for
    One mistake men make is to try to "educate" the young woman in the ways of the boudoir, and to introduce a number of sexual topics that she has not done or heard of. Chances are if she is with you she is already familiar with enough to make things interesting. Trying to force more before she is ready has the effect of reducing her to a sex experiment. Just do your thing; she will let you know when it's time for something new.
6. If the relationship ends, accept it
    If she breaks up with you, don't take it as an ego thumping that you got dumped by a kid. If you break up with her, let her down as easy as possible. See guideline #4.
Our story "Stabs Her to Death Under Hail of Police Bullets" illustrated the need for a helpful reminder in a particular area of amorous relations. And so we present: