FROM THE MORGUE
Copyright 2010 by William A. Mays, Proprietor
|POLICE GAZETTE LOST
Filling the position of Police Gazette archivist has often not received the seriousness and due care it deserves, leading to less-than-qualified persons occupying the slot over the years. At various junctures in the past, our official archivist has been the survivor of a psychotropic-pharmaceutical experiment gone wrong, a transgender pro wrestler, the parasitic twin of a somnambulitic host, a four year old, a chimpanzee named Yorick, and a self-proclaimed super genius whose archiving method resembled a cross between Borgesian labyrinth and the Dr. Gene Ray Time Cube. Over the course of decades, the cumulative efforts of these staff members have seen items go missing other than the expected gold statues and silver door knockers. As a result, the Police Gazette archive has more holes in it than Swiss cheese, and we wish we could say baby Swiss. But we can't.
One of the most glaring holes had always been the entire Volume 68, which covers fully half of the year 1896 and includes such coverage as the voyage of Harbo and Samuelsen, the first people ever to row a boat across the Atlantic Ocean–a feat made possible by the sponsorship of the Police Gazette and Mr. Richard K. Fox–as well as the execution of Carl Feigenbaum, a suspect in the Jack-the-Ripper case. Not one of the volume's 26 issues is available in any public or university library, database, or microfilm. Its permanent loss would have been a blow to humankind's total intellectual knowledge on a par with the burning of the library at Alexandria.
But finally it turned up. After searching everywhere and following every lead, even if that lead led to the exhumation of certain departed persons that we are very sorry about now–since no Police Gazette volumes were found–the volume was discovered. And it was in one of those places practically under one's nose that one never thinks to look, namely, on top of the kitchen cabinet. Following a slap to our collective forehead, we set about cataloging our find. Available only here through William A. Mays, we are proud to begin bringing to our readers selections from the long lost Volume 68.
|Volume 68, Covering March Through August 1896,
Thought To Have Gone the Way of the General Slocum
|Contains Immortal Harbo and
Samuelsen–First Men to Row Across
Atlantic–and a Jack-the-Ripper
Suspect Executed in New York
|Selections from Volume 68