FROM THE MORGUE
Copyright 2007 by William A. Mays, Proprietor
January 11, 1879
If, as our theologians of anti-Beecherian views in regard to a future state stoutly hold, his Satanic Majesty, from motives which are open to the suspicion of being interested, takes a warm interest in the affairs of our planet, it is fair to presume that he has a keen appreciation of a lively homicidal season. But when the ordinary features of such occurrences are diversified by the mingling of a religious with the sanguinary element, as in two cases recorded in our columns this week, the arch-Boss of Evil must take special delight in such a combination of business with pleasure as he holds his sides in merriment at the infernal humor of the thing.
The first of the cases referred to is reported from Seattle, in distant Oregon. In this instance, a pious settler, named Brown, called with his wife to spend the Sabbath with a pious neighbor named Gallagher. The wife of the latter was also present. In such a pious company and at an hour so propitious to religious reflection, the conversation naturally assumed a religious tone and finally drifted into a comparison of their religious views. These did not happen to exactly coincide, and thus conversation turned into argument, and argument waxed into heated theological warfare. As the disputants warmed to the subject, the courtesies of debate were speedily lost sight of, and, as is ever the case in a religious conflict, they became bitter, personal and then thirsty for each other's blood. At length the pious Gallagher endeavored to convince his opponent, the truly good Brown, of the erroneousness of his views, with his revolver, but the meek and lowly Brown was on hand before him with a still more forcible bit of argument in the shape of a large meat knife, which he thrust into the unregenerate abdomen and thorax of the zealous but misguided Gallagher, gave it an extra twist or so to add force to his reasoning and brought the discussion to a triumphant close. His logic was simply unanswerable. At least his theological antagonist made no attempt to answer it, but dropped, a bloody, lifeless corpse at his feet. Then the staunch Brown, the victorious champion of religious truth, struck out across lots for tall timber, and has not since been seen or heard from.
The other case of religious homicide was that of one Will Myers, who, with four companions, unregenerate reprobates all, evidently, with no respect for sacred things before them, disturbed a prayer meeting in a small Michigan village. After the meeting, Jack Wade and Charlie Crain, two nice, good, Christian young men, who had participated in the prayer meeting, and who felt religiously refreshed by the participation, felt it incumbent upon them to ask the bad young men for an explanation of their conduct and to instill into their rude minds some of the respect for prayer meetings and religious matters generally, in which they were evidently sadly lacking, through the medium of their hunting knives, if it might be deemed necessary. The bad young men apparently resisted the efforts of the amateur missionaries for their conversion, for a fierce and bloody affray ensued, in which both of the nice, good young men were mortally hacked. It is certain, however, that they took a hand in the cutting, for the evidence goes to show that there was cutting "going," only the defenders of the faith were not quite so successful in "getting their work in," the bad young men, doubtless, being, as usual, backed by their patron, His Satanic Majesty, in getting "the drop" on the saintly assassins.