Copyright 2010 by William A. Mays, Proprietor
A Police Gazette employee is one of the latest to be ensnared in Oprah's tentacles, the victim either of a prank or of an Oprah Winfrey bent on squeezing whatever attention and money she can out of the portions of the world not yet infected by her reach. The employee recently received a letter from a collection agency demanding payment for a subscription to O, The Oprah Magazine. Excerpts from the letter follow:
Sunrise Credit Services, Inc.
PO Box 9100
Farmingdale, NY 11735-9100
August 31, 2010
Client: O, The Oprah Magazine
Balance Due: $18.00
Dear S_____ W_______:
Our people are experienced in credit and collections and are able to assist you if you let them.
THIS IS AN ATTEMPT TO COLLECT A DEBT. ANY INFORMATION OBTAINED WILL BE USED FOR THAT PURPOSE. THIS COMMUNICATION IS FROM A DEBT COLLECTOR.
UNLESS YOU NOTIFY THIS OFFICE WITHIN 30 DAYS AFTER RECEIVING THIS NOTICE THAT YOU DISPUTE THE VALIDITY OF THIS DEBT OR ANY PORTION THEREOF, THIS OFFICE WILL ASSUME THIS DEBT IS VALID.
Sunrise Credit Services, Inc.
Our employee responded immediately. To wit:
Dear Mr. Charles:
I do not owe this money. I never subscribed to Oprah magazine. I would never in a million years subscribe to Oprah magazine. Anyone who does subscribe to Oprah magazine is a mental defective. If Oprah wants to use strong-arm tactics to squeeze people for pennies and nickels to throw on top of her pile of money, she should go after the gullible suckers who actually think she has their best interests at heart. The magazine I read is the National Police Gazette, and the National Police Gazette thinks Oprah is a turd.
We have spoken to our employee regarding the use of the word "turd." The problem is the word choice is not descriptive enough. Our employee assures us he will provide more detail next time.
|National Police Gazette Goes To War
with O, The Oprah Magazine
|Oprah Uses Force To Coerce Average People
into Adding to Her Fortune
|As Bad as Any Cult Leader
| Is the above a game of "One of these things is not like the other?" Or is it more along the lines of "What's wrong with this picture?" The former can't be true because not one of those things is unlike the other. Every magazine cover shown, as well as all covers of that magazine not shown, feature the magazine's owner as its subject. And that's what's wrong with this picture.
Oprah Winfrey no doubt spent huge sums in market research and focus-group analysis before determining that putting out a magazine with your name as the title and with you pictured on every single cover would fly with the general public, which brings to mind the old adage "Just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean you SHOULD."
The sheer ridiculousness of the business model proves the only way a venture like this could possibly be profitable is through the application of cult-like hypnotism. That and, of course, attempts at ruining the credit scores of common individuals not even caught within the sphere of Oprah's malevolent mesmerism. One wonders if forcing average people to pay for products not ordered is taught at the Wharton School as a next-level way to maximize profits. We think not, but that this is a practice of the Oprah School is beyond dispute.
Oprah, being slightly smarter than the average cult leader, generally follows the good-business axiom "Never kill a customer," though this conclusion was probably reached on the advice of some grotesquely expensive marketing study.
Those not under Oprah's Svengali sway simply shake their heads and laugh, that is until this freak of pop culture switches from being just so much white noise in the background to being something more obnoxiously insidious. Then it becomes personal.
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